Seedling.

To be steadfast. Secure. Placed somewhere your roots can bury deep, deep in to the soil below. For there to be a source of replenishment with each weather cycle, for the nourishment to seep through the relationships of each root and vein intertwined within the small network surrounding you. A simple step for growth is having somewhere you can be planted and somewhere you can grow so tall that everyone around you can't avoid how far you have come and how strong you are.

I'm a seedling without soil. I have no garden bed to grow in, to make a home. I'm in a transition, between one home and another. It is a constant struggle each day to stay alive, with no room to stretch myself or to see my roots bury deeper and deeper to support how much taller I am getting. I am trapped in a small encasing of dirt. I rely on the nourishment of a single drop of water, or rain. I am one unit, it is just me. I cannot communicate with every other seedling in my garden bed, I cannot share the water supply from last weeks downpour, as my capacity is not big enough to endure it.

For a few months, I am able to stay in my small casing, I can stand the suffocation and the instability. Little by little, however, as my capacity remains as a constant, my desire to grow increases and I am caught in a place of having a vision, dream and desire that is far beyond what my current circumstances and situation enables me to achieve. My vision outweighs my capacity. My desire outshines my circumstances. 

I am frustrated. I want to be more, live a life that I know I was designed for. Just before my eyes, there is a beautiful garden bed, unlike any I have seen. It is flourishing. There's direct sunlight, plenty of rain, shelter from wind, and in there are multiple different harvests of fruits and vegetables from all seasons overflowing on top and over the barriers created to hold each plant in. I want to be there, I wish to be among those who are just like me, they are nothing more than a small seedling, but they are planted. They have grown roots. They have a home and they have nourishment and they have soil that will keep them healthy even if the weather won't.

In limbo, as I wait for the chance to be part of the garden, the collection of plants I so deeply envy, begin to show fruits. As I, am still waiting for my chance to reach a height that I can support my weight without wilting when I'm parched.

My time will come, though, and I know. It's currently Spring, and I just have to wait until the early days of next Spring when it will be my time to be planted. Some days are a curious game of wondering if I will ever make it that far and contemplating all the ways I can stay thriving and healthy until them. In Spring, all of the planted seeds will flourish. This time is just not my time. My spring is not yet here.

This is how it feels to love you, and to know you live in a place that will soon be my home. It will be somewhere I can sow deeply in to the soil and where my roots will grow and my fruits will begin to blossom for harvest. Right now, I am a seedling on a kitchen counter, overlooking the window that sits next to the beautiful garden that awaits outside. Jealous and hurt that I can't yet be there, but with total faith that next Spring will arrive. The kitchen is cold and artificial, it is all I have ever known, so because of that, it is my home, but I know there is a world outside for me where I truly belong.

I belong alongside all the other seedlings who have all had their chance to become all they were meant to be. The tomato vines, the lettuce, the basil, the cucumbers, the pumpkin, the zucchini, they are all bearing fruit because they are buried deep in soil that is nourishing and replenishing and all I desire is to be strong enough to bear fruit and healthy enough to bless those around me with the amazing product I can produce.

One day too, I can be steadfast and secure. I can have my veins intertwine with the rest in the earth. I will be undeniably tall and bold and will reach the fullest potential of what I was designed for. And people far and wide will eat the fruit off my tree and know that I was once just a seedling in a tiny confinement, yet now I am overwhelmingly beyond what anyone thought I was capable of. Especially myself.